Felix at five months

on Motherhood  

It’s been five months, and it still feels weird calling myself a mum or talking about my son. Having a baby is a roller coaster of emotions fueled by hormones, sleep deprivation, and a fierce kind of love that makes you push through anything. It’s hard even when everything is going objectively well, which thankfully is the case for us.

With very little experience with babies, I have no idea how much of these are Felix things or just general baby things, but since it’s all new to me it’s magical regardless.

The word most commonly used to describe Felix is “alert”. From the moment he was born, he’s been quietly observing the world with his big eyes, taking it all in. His head doesn’t stop moving, swivelling around to see as much as possible. Until recently he would open his eyes in a wide-eyed, intense stare that was a bit disconcerting, and will now be his passport photo for the next five years.

For a while I thought he’d be a very serious baby, until he took to smiling at anyone who says hello (from the safety of my arms) before hiding his face in my shoulder. Sometimes when he smiles his nose crinkles up, making him look very mischievous (I haven’t managed to capture this on camera yet). He hasn’t yet figured out how to play with his feet, but finds it funny when I use them to kick his face, or my face.

The main word I use to describe Felix is chill – as long as he has something to look at and something to put into his mouth, he’s a pretty relaxed kid (unless he’s hangry or overtired, which is very understandable). He’s not a fan of sleeping during the day, although I tell him when he’s a grownup he will wish he could take day naps.

He breastfeeds slowly, and although I have to fight the urge to be done and up doing something productive, I try to relish the forced downtime and the sweet way he looks up at me with complete trust and happiness (and the many Netflix series I’ve been able to get through). On these cold and rainy winter days, it’s nice to snuggle up on the couch with a blanket and a nice warm baby over me whilst apparently burning a bunch of calories (quickly offset by my frequent snacking). He watches us eat food with interest, but since he watches everything with interest it’s difficult to tell.

I of course take a million photos of him, like every mum with a camera or camera phone. Here’s some baby spam:

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