So yes it is now March and 2019 was some time ago, but I’ve done some kind of review every year for a while now and it’s worth it to look back on! This was a big, family-focused year for me with some big highs and lows.
Sprucing up our home – I was in serious nesting mode for the second half of my pregnancy, so spent the first few months of the year decluttering, rearranging, and improving. I particularly love our outdoor area now it looks more inviting to sit in. It’s a lot harder to do this stuff with a tiny human running around, so I’m glad I had some time to do it before he arrived.
Getting our money in order – I tried out a Barefoot Investor inspired setup with our accounts, but it was way too complicated (I needed to draw a diagram to explain it all). At the start of 2019 I simplified and automated as much as possible, and it made keeping track of things much easier.
Being a mum – yes there are a lot of tough parts (see the lows below), but being a mum has been so full of joy and wonder overall. There’s so many firsts and so much to discover in a baby’s first year – first smile, first laugh, first time eating solid food, starting to move around and show the early signs of the person they’ll become. There’s also new friends and new ways to connect to old ones. It’s really exciting! Some favourite parts: walking with Felix in our baby carrier and feeling the weight of his head on my chest as he falls asleep. The first time he laughed, it was so cute that I cried (also I was very very tired). Catchups with friends with babies the same age, sharing stories and tips and clothes. Family cuddles in bed in the morning. Sharing a meal, once he could sit and eat.
DIY photo shoots – I finally figured out how to control my camera using my phone, and took some pretty nice self-portraits whilst super pregnant and on my first Mother’s Day. It felt a bit silly and vain at the time, but it’s nice to have decent photos of myself for once! I’ve also been taking milestone photos of Felix for his first year, well worth the effort of trying to get a wriggly baby to sit still.
Alphabet animal series – I had next to zero time/energy for creative things, but did manage to squeeze this in! I lost a bunch of Instagram followers who probably got sick of the monotony, but it felt good to complete something and see it as a whole.
Plastic Free July – this was the first year I tried to do Plastic Free July. Instead of attempting being 100% plastic-free (not easy!), I decided to focus on a few particular habits in the hope that I’d be able to then carry it forward. Happy to say that we now (mostly) make our own bread, granola and ice-cream, use cloth nappies and wipes, remember to take our own coffee cups, and are just generally a bit more aware of the choices we make.
Being a mum (sometimes) – I don’t think anyone could say that being a mum is fun and joyful all of the time – it’s damn hard! Some lows include: the realities of feeding every 3 hours around the clock (apparently it does not mean that you get 3 hours of sleep in between). Changing to a 2 hourly feeding schedule when he wasn’t putting on enough weight. Having an ‘alert’ baby who just doesn’t want to nap as much as they should, and complains loudly about it. Constant feeding and rocking taking its toll on my wrists, elbows, shoulders, neck and back. Mastitis. Cold cups of tea. Not having any semblance of a routine or predictability in the day. Looking back and feeling like I haven’t achieved anything this year besides raising a tiny human. These are all pretty standard challenges with a healthy baby though, so as much as it sounds like I’m complaining, I think we’re very lucky and the good far outweighs the bad.
A hospital stay – I’ve had weird, sporadic abdominal pain for most of my life, and had previously put it down to having my appendix rupture and be removed as a child. Mid 2019 it happened again, but didn’t go away after a few hours like it normally does. 24 hours, a visit to the GP and a long wait at the Emergency Department later, and I was checked in to hospital. I had a nasogastric tube inserted, which is up there with my appendix rupturing and pushing out a baby as far as painful experiences go. I couldn’t eat, drink, or be with Felix. I didn’t want to move or think or do anything but cry and attempt to pump milk (which had to be tossed due to drugs and nowhere to store it). My milk dried up anyway. I wondered if was what depression felt like.
Tests confirmed that scar tissue from my appendix surgery (25 years ago!) was the culprit; surgery was done quickly and I was out of there a few days later, the day before my birthday. The pain before surgery was awful, but being apart from four month old Felix was the worst part. Everyone at the hospital was very kind though, and pushed my case through quickly so I could return home asap.
Less focused time – all part of being a parent! Most of my hobbies require a decently solid amount of focused time, and whilst I had patches of time here and there they tended to be brief, unpredictable, and quickly used up with essentials like cleaning, eating and showering. My life feels a bit chaotic and it stressed me out more than I thought it would.
Thoughts for 2020
Well it’s already 2020 so this feels a little redundant, but at the end of last year I was gearing up to return to life as a working mum. I loved my time at home with Felix, but towards the end of my leave I could feel that being a stay at home mum was not for me in the long term. This year I want to get back on track with my career, fit back into my jeans, and get back into creative hobbies… all whilst trying to be a good parent. I’m starting the year with a lot of optimism and not a whole lot of sleep. Wish me luck!